I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
