I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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