I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
