I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
