In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
