I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
