Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
