Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
