Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
