I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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