Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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