pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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