Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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