he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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