Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
