and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
