It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
