she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize