I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
