Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
