A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize