Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
