Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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