Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
