How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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