Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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