It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
