Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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