Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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