just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
