It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
