I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
