my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
