he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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