they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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