Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
