i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
