I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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