please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
