dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize