yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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