ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
