Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
