if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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