I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize