I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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