i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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