i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize