Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
