Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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