when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
