College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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