i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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