I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize