In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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