I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
