Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need moral support for this bender
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
