so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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