stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Vodka?
Forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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