As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
