There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
