he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
