We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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