you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
