Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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