I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
