so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
