He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize