break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
