Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're like the curious george of whores
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
