his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it glows. i had to have it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
