I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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