I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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