Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
