Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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