So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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