I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
