I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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