Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
