I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
