I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
