I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
