she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize