Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
