I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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