Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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