Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
