Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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