I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize