I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
