I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
