I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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