yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
