just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
