2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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