How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
