youre lurking in front of me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
