ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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