So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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