I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
