Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
