I'm really into asian looking animals
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
