I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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