pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
