It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
