I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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