just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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