it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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