my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
